Ever had that feeling that your hearts going to pop right out of your chest with terror?? I just experienced that moment. I was going through some book sites that I belong to, minding my own business, eating my cheese and pickle sandwich and I find a link there that says, please add your blog link here...I thought great. Another promo avenue. Sandwich in one hand, multitasking with the other, I click on the link. Then chaos reigned on my screen. It was like Spike, the vampire from Buffy, had chomped on my neck, ripped out a chunk of flesh and my life was ebbing away.
A warning box came up on my screen. For the technophobic like myself, that means ‘shit’ run away, turn off all electrical things running to the computer. But I can’t as I have committed the unspoken sin of writers. I have a WHOLE chapter unsaved on my desktop. My cheese sandwich drops to the floor, to be devoured by my dog, who has not a shred of compassion as he drools all over my foot. So I wrack, my silently screaming brain, as to what I should do.
The box said I am open to a virus, click here to download whatever it is to stop it. Again, I relate to my technical abilities, which are NONE, and think... ues, click now. yet a shouting single brain cell says..mm are you sure thats right? It’s a dilemma. I'm arguing with myself, so who is exactly right here? Panic drives me to the point of insanity as more red writing tells me to hurry up, before the viruses eat me too. Well, not exactly in those words, but you will all know what I mean. So, what is a girl to do? Ring their computer savvy husband of course and scream down the phone incoherently until he says, just click off the box. As simple as that. Move the mouse and click X.
Grasping the mouse, I click off the box and suddenly it’s like a scene from the hammer house of horrors. Blood is dripping down my screen in the guise of more red boxes, erupting like acne spots, each containing a poison that will wreck my life! Suddenly a bigger box flashes up. This is the one that will kill me, I know because I can feel my heart palpitating. It says, I have opened a window and trogons, viruses and god know what, are all vomiting over my work somewhere in the bowels of my computer. What damn window? I never opened a thing, the internet just hates me!
My life is over! I can’t breathe, months of work is slipping through my fingers and all because I clicked on a tiny, innocuous link on a book site page. So I am screaming, wishing the computer had a neck so I could wring it. The dog runs, splattering my face with soggy chewed bread and drool, my husband, somewhere in the realms of my hysteria is saying, click off the internet. It’s a scam. You have an anti virus. So I click and click and click, until finally the screen is calm. The red boxes are gone, my chapter is saved and I am left with my desktop page, all in full working order.
I sit back in my chair, my heartbeat slowing to a more normal pace. My husband resumes his work, the dog heaves a sigh as he sits down beside me and I still have one half of a cheese and pickle sandwich left. Who said a writer’s life was boring?
Posts
Those should be illegal, making you think you've got a virus so that their handy dandy program can clear it up in such a sec, with just a little cash! You got lucky, some of them are even more insidious and require even more effort to remove them once they are entrenched.
ReplyDeleteI have those moments too. I have one game I play which doesn't want to close properly, and sometimes I have to restart the computer. The last time this happened, I ended up with a bunch of messages I'd never seen before, asking questions I'd never been asked, and when it rebooted, for a moment, I thought it was caught in a vicious loop where it would open and close and never full open up, and yes, I kept thinking of all the stuff I would lose if the hard drive crashed, and I was devastated and upset...
and then it did finally open, and it was business as usual lol
That would be heart attack city for me. And I have no one handy to phone when I panic.
ReplyDeleteMy dumb solution is to crash out the computer while my stomach heaves and my whole body trembles. Then, I'm afraid to turn it back on again.
When I do, the heart palpitations go crazy and all my muscles stiffen until I see if it's working properly--again.
As soon as I open I run my anti-virus program.
So, yes, been there, done that. It is one of the most frightening experiences in the world.
I sympathize, Margaret. I am a computer illiterate and most of the time I don't know what this machine is telling me to do.
So, I crash and pray. And yes, lose my chapter and cry.
I've had things happen with me hitting wrong key but not that bad thank goodness. I'm lucky when I get problems with the comp I just shout out 'help' to my son who is soooo good at fixing my 'wrong key' for me, if he's at work I crash the comp and wait for him to get home.I'm so lucky my son is techno savvy
ReplyDeleteI had this once. Clicked on what seemed to be an inocent link but ended up with a very disturbing image of someone having a poo!!!! yuk. my first instinct was to close the window but no matter where i clicked a new image appeared, this was made doubly difficult by the fact that i was also trying very hard not to look at the video's. Trying to locate the x through half closed eyes is very tricky. Let this be a lesson to you ,you never know what S**t you can accidently stumble into. However my friends and family continue to find this tale hystericaly funny so every negative has a possitive as they say but I remain a technophobe. Glad your manuscript is in one piece though.
ReplyDeleteHaving a pooh...euwwww lol now thats traumatic!!!
ReplyDeleteI dunno how we all survive such stress sometimes lol
I am sorry that you had such a traumatic time!!!! and I hate to say it, but although I can appreciate the scariness of this (Its happened to me too) the way you wrote about it had me laughing till my eyes watered!!!!! I really needed a giggle, so thanks for that, and I am glad the computer got sorted! even if you did loose half a sandwich in the process!!!!
ReplyDeleteI so sympathize with you, Margaret! Life would end as I know it. I always try to back things up on a regular basis, but sometimes those viruses sneak up when you least expect them.
ReplyDeleteSo glad yours was only a 'scare.'
My default mode is also 'Shut the @##$%^& thing
ReplyDeleteoff and turn it on again'.
This is a lovely blog - well done!
That is terrifying! Glad you didn't succumb to pressure. Hackers should be persecuted with their own viruses, lol.
ReplyDeleteMy computer's currently scaring me by moaning when I turn it on. I think I work it too hard! But if you don't hear from me, you'll know it's died an agonizing death.
One time a friend emailed me an attachment and I opened it and a screen popped up announcing it as a virus and I watched in horror as all my files starting to delete, I nearly fell over trying to hit the escape button, anything... Another screen popped up with a cartoon drawing with the message, "Aren't you glad this wasn't a real virus?"
ReplyDeleteOMG - I think we are related in some way as every step of the way I was right next to you. I would have had a complete freak-o moment, called my poor husband, and cried all over him. My dog would have not only stolen my sandwich that I dropped but while my attention was on the computer he would have slurped up the other half and left nothing but a pool of drool in his wake. I love this post. You had me laughing and sympathizing all the way.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Sorry I know the situation wasn't funny, but reading your account of it was! I hope the book is as dramatic as your technical misadventures writing it xxx
ReplyDeletelol thnks ladies. I thought I'd share that. Its not worth suffering in silence!! Lulilut I feel your pain!! On to the next saga, and cate, I'll be emailing you to see if your laptop has had a nervous breakdown.
ReplyDelete