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Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Virus or not!!
Ever had that feeling that your hearts going to pop right out of your chest with terror?? I just experienced that moment. I was going through some book sites that I belong to, minding my own business, eating my cheese and pickle sandwich and I find a link there that says, please add your blog link here...I thought great. Another promo avenue. Sandwich in one hand, multitasking with the other, I click on the link. Then chaos reigned on my screen. It was like Spike, the vampire from Buffy, had chomped on my neck, ripped out a chunk of flesh and my life was ebbing away.
A warning box came up on my screen. For the technophobic like myself, that means ‘shit’ run away, turn off all electrical things running to the computer. But I can’t as I have committed the unspoken sin of writers. I have a WHOLE chapter unsaved on my desktop. My cheese sandwich drops to the floor, to be devoured by my dog, who has not a shred of compassion as he drools all over my foot. So I wrack, my silently screaming brain, as to what I should do.
The box said I am open to a virus, click here to download whatever it is to stop it. Again, I relate to my technical abilities, which are NONE, and think... ues, click now. yet a shouting single brain cell says..mm are you sure thats right? It’s a dilemma. I'm arguing with myself, so who is exactly right here? Panic drives me to the point of insanity as more red writing tells me to hurry up, before the viruses eat me too. Well, not exactly in those words, but you will all know what I mean. So, what is a girl to do? Ring their computer savvy husband of course and scream down the phone incoherently until he says, just click off the box. As simple as that. Move the mouse and click X.
Grasping the mouse, I click off the box and suddenly it’s like a scene from the hammer house of horrors. Blood is dripping down my screen in the guise of more red boxes, erupting like acne spots, each containing a poison that will wreck my life! Suddenly a bigger box flashes up. This is the one that will kill me, I know because I can feel my heart palpitating. It says, I have opened a window and trogons, viruses and god know what, are all vomiting over my work somewhere in the bowels of my computer. What damn window? I never opened a thing, the internet just hates me!
My life is over! I can’t breathe, months of work is slipping through my fingers and all because I clicked on a tiny, innocuous link on a book site page. So I am screaming, wishing the computer had a neck so I could wring it. The dog runs, splattering my face with soggy chewed bread and drool, my husband, somewhere in the realms of my hysteria is saying, click off the internet. It’s a scam. You have an anti virus. So I click and click and click, until finally the screen is calm. The red boxes are gone, my chapter is saved and I am left with my desktop page, all in full working order.
I sit back in my chair, my heartbeat slowing to a more normal pace. My husband resumes his work, the dog heaves a sigh as he sits down beside me and I still have one half of a cheese and pickle sandwich left. Who said a writer’s life was boring?